How do you know that you need couples counseling?

There are many couples that have problems in their relationships, but do not seek couples counseling. Even when people are very attached and love each other deeply, people have conflicts. Disagreements and friction are an inevitable part of having a relationship. Tensions can arise because both people in the relationship are individuals with different backgrounds, ways of communication, and life experiences.

There are a number of red flags that indicate that you would benefit from working with a professional couples counselor.

You keep having the same disagreements over again. If you keep having clashes over the same issues you clearly have problems with communication that interfere with your ability to resolve these issues. Flash points in the relationship develop over these unresolved issues.

Both of you are always too exhausted to have sex. Many times, people are just too physically exhausted to have sex. However, if this always occurs and becomes a pattern, there may be another reason. Anger and tension in a relationship may prevent one person from having the emotional desire to have sex. These feelings of anger and tension may be a result of the inability to resolve conflicts in the relationship.

Your children may be concerned that you might be getting a divorce. Kids are extremely perceptive at reading the level of conflict and tension between their parents. If your kids start asking you whether you might be splitting up, you know the level of tension in your relationship has gotten out of hand.

You are not communicating with your partner about how to make your relationship better. This situation may arise if you are both feeling so much anger and hurt that you have stopped trying to reach out to each other to try and improve your communication. Both you and your partner are likely feeling afraid that you might be rejected if you reach out to try and make things better.

You are seriously considering having an affair. At this point, you feel that receiving emotional support, affection, and love from someone outside of the relationship is better than dealing with your partner. Your relationship has hit a severe low point. It is critically important to involve a professional couples counselor now, because if one of you has an affair that can be the end of the relationship.

If you find you are having these problems in your relationship, it is time to seek couples counseling with the help of a professional counselor. Start getting help by calling San Francisco couples counselor Patricia Hecht, MFT, for an appointment today.